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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28993299">Angel Dust Powers: International Man of Mystery</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/FurbyDisaster53/pseuds/FurbyDisaster53'>FurbyDisaster53</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Hazbin Hotel Movie Parodies [14]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hazbin Hotel (Web Series), Helluva Boss (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Austin Powers References, Human Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Human Husk (Hazbin Hotel), Humor, M/M, Parody, there’s literally just one reason for it to be a human au, this was weird</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 10:20:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,600</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28993299</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/FurbyDisaster53/pseuds/FurbyDisaster53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Angel Powers is a 60's supermodel and spy who is cryonically frozen and released in the 1990's. Although the world may be a different place for Angel, his mission is still the same. While adjusting to the new decade, Angel and his partner Husk must stop Dr. Alastor Evil’s plot for world domination.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Angel Dust/Husk (Hazbin Hotel)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Hazbin Hotel Movie Parodies [14]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1974124</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Swinging Sixties</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The year was 1967. Somewhere outside of Las Vegas, Dr. Alastor Evil was having an extremely important meeting with a group of people. Alastor was a tall brunette, dangerously charming, and known for being one of the most dangerous men in the world. They all sat around the table, and Alastor was petting his pig, Fat Nuggets. </p><p>“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my underground lair. I have gathered here before me, the world’s most deadly assassins. And yet, each of you has failed to kill Angel Powers. That makes me very upset. And when I get upset, Fat Nuggets gets unhappy. And when Fat Nuggets gets unhappy, people die!” Alastor exclaimed.</p><p>He pressed a button, and four assassins got dropped into fire. “Why must I be surrounded by complete idiots?” Alastor asked. </p><p>The only two people still at the table were a nervous man with a top hat and a woman with black and pink hair. “Pentious….Velvet….I have spared your lives because I need you to help me rid the world of the one man who can stop me now. We must kill Angel Powers,” smiled Alastor.</p><p>Meanwhile, in New York, Angel Powers was dancing down the street, a smile on his face. He was an attractive, short, blonde man. Angel lived a great life, being a supermodel and a secret agent. Everyone loved him, and he was known as the International Man of Mystery. </p><p>After a while, his partner in the spy field, Cherri Kensington, drove up to him. “Hey, Angie!” she smiled.</p><p>“Hey, Cherri!” Angel replied, as he got inside. “How’s life been treating ya, baby?” he asked.</p><p>“I’m doing okay. What about you? Landed a boyfriend yet?” Cherri asked.</p><p>“Nah, but I ain’t too into the whole….commitment thing. Maybe the right man will come along eventually, but for now, I’m happy to just be a swinger,” Angel smiled.</p><p>Just then, a video call started. On screen was a distinguished older woman, and she gave the two of them a wave. “Hello there, Angel. This is Rosie Exposition, chief of intelligence,” she said. “We just found out that Dr. Alastor is plotting a trap for you tonight, at the Electric Psychedelic Pussycat Swinger's Club,” she explained.</p><p>“Just where ya wouldn’t think to look for him, We’ll be there, baby. See ya later,” Angel replied, before hanging up. </p><p>That night, at the Electric Psychedelic Pussycat Swinger's Club, Angel and Cherri headed inside, where the party was in full swing. “Seems like a hot party,” Cherri smiled.</p><p>“Hell yeah! Let’s fucking party,” Angel nodded.</p><p>“Angie! We can party later. Right now, we gotta look for Dr. Alastor,” Cherri said. </p><p>“Right,” Angel nodded. He spotted a woman, then smiled. “And I think we just found a lead,” he said.</p><p>Angel walked over to the woman and punched her in the face.  “Damn Angie! What did you hit that girl for?” Cherri asked. </p><p>“Cause she ain’t a girl at all! Watch,” Angel said, before he ripped off her wig. “It’s one of Alastor’s assassins!” he exclaimed. </p><p>“He’s got a knife!” Cherri shouted, as the assassin got back up. She swiftly kicked him back to the ground, knocking the knife out of his hand. </p><p>“Good work, Cherri,” Angel smiled, before grabbing the assassin by the shoulders. “Okay, talk! Where’s Dr. Alastor, huh?” he asked.</p><p>What Angel didn’t know was, Alastor was a short distance away, with a crossbow pointed towards Angel. He missed, and accidentally shot the assassin. Angel looked over and saw Alastor getting away. </p><p>“There’s the bastard!” Angel shouted, before he and Cherri pulled out their guns. “Let’s roll,” he said. </p><p>Angel and Cherri hurried after Alastor, and saw him getting into a red pod. “I got ya now, Dr. Alastor,” Angel grinned.</p><p>“Not this time, my friend,” Alastor smiled. “Fat Nuggets, come to me!” he called. Nuggets ran over, and Alastor held the pig in his arms. “I’ll see you in the future, Mr. Powers,” ha said, before the doors to his pod slammed shut. </p><p>“Holy hell….he’s freezing himself!” Cherri gasped. </p><p>The two shot at the pod, but it was too late. Alastor had launched himself into space, in a rocketship that looked like a giant Ronald McDonald. And so, Alastor Evil had himself cryogenically frozen. He planned on returning during a time when free love no longer reigned, and greed and corruption ruled the world.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Frozen in Time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The year was 1997. A radar operator called up Commander Crymini, with urgent news. “Commander, We have a potential bogey with erratic vectoring and an unorthodox entry angle,” the operator said.</p><p>“English, Collin. It’s three in the fucking morning,” Crymini groaned. </p><p>“There’s something orbiting the earth,” Collin explained.</p><p>“Is it one of ours?” Crymini asked. </p><p>“No. It does have an extremely strange shape, though,” Collin replied. </p><p>“What does that mean?” Crymini asked. </p><p>“Well….it seems to be in the shape of a giant Ronald McDonald,” Collin answered. </p><p>“Great….the bastard is back,” Crymini groaned.</p><p>“I don’t think Ronald McDonald exactly left, ma’am. I actually think the franchise grew more popular over the years,” Collin said.</p><p>“Shut the hell up. This is serious. What’s its position?” Crymini asked.</p><p>“It’s over Nevada and….oh my gosh! It just disappeared from the radar! Ronald is gone!” Collin gasped.</p><p>“Listen up, fucker, forget everything you saw today,” Crymini stated. </p><p>“But I have to log it!” Collin returned. </p><p>“No you don’t! Here’s what I want you to do. Call the President. Prepare the jet. Get my overnight bag. And feed my fish. I'm going to New York City,” Crymini said.</p><p>In New York, Rosie, Crymini, and a general named Loona were walking through a secret laboratory. </p><p>“As the two of you know, Dr. Alastor Evil had himself frozen in 1967. As soon as he did, Angel Powers decided to get frozen too, just in case Dr. Alastor would come back. We believe Dr. Alastor has begun another plot for world domination, which is why we’re here,” Rosie explained. </p><p>They headed into a room, and the walls were lined with naked people frozen in tubes. Eventually, they stopped by Angel’s. “So who is this Powers guy anyway?” Loona asked.</p><p>“The ultimate gentleman spy. Irresistible to men, deadly to his enemies, and a legend in his own time,” Rosie answered. </p><p>Soon, Angel was unfrozen, reanimated, and cleaned up. He was strapped to a table when he completely came to. “Where am I?” he asked.</p><p>“You’re in a top secret laboratory. It’s 1997, and you’ve been frozen for thirty years,” Rosie replied.</p><p>“WHO THE HELL ARE THOSE PEOPLE?!” Angel shouted, looking at Loona and Crymini.</p><p>“Shouting is a temporary side effect of the unfreezing process,” Rosie said.</p><p>“Yeah, I can’t really control the VOLUME OF MY VOICE!” Angel yelled.</p><p>“Angel, this is Commander Crymini and General Loona,” Rosie said. </p><p>“Gotcha, great to meet ya,” Angel said, before he noticed the male scientists that were looking him over. “Hey, sweethearts,” he grinned.</p><p>“Mr. Powers, we have a madman lose in Nevada,” Crymini stated.</p><p>“Alastor Evil….” Angel muttered, before looking at Rosie. “When do we get started?” he asked.</p><p>“Right away! You’ll be working with Mr. Kensington,” Rosie said.</p><p>“Uh...I think ya mean Miss Kensington?” Angel asked. </p><p>“No, Angel. Miss Cherri Kensington retired ages ago. Mr. Kensington is her son,” Rosie explained, as a man walked into the room. </p><p>He was tall, had sideburns, and was wearing a suit. Angel’s breath was immediately taken away. “And here he is! Husker Kensington is one of our top agents,” Rosie said. </p><p>“Holy shit, Husk’s got a sexy body. Damn, I bet he could fuck me like an animal,” Angel said, before pausing for a moment. “How do I tell ‘em that cause of the unfreezing process, I don’t have an inner monologue?” he asked. “I uh….I hope I didn’t say that out loud just now,” he said, with an embarrassed smile.</p><p>Husk and Rosie stood there in awkward silence, but Husk shrugged it off. “Angel Powers, I’m supposed to get you adjusted to the nineties. A hell of a lot has changed since 1967,” he said.</p><p>“I don’t doubt that, baby. But as long as people are still having wild and crazy sex with a shit ton of anonymous partners without protection, and messin’ around with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence-free environment, I’m good,” Angel smiled. </p><p>“We’ve got a lot of work to do,” Husk muttered.</p><p>After that, Angel was dressed in a pink robe, and Loona had his things in a locker basket. “Okay….it says here your name is actually ‘Danger Powers’?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>“No, no, danger is my middle name,” Angel grinned.</p><p>“Fucking hell….” Husk muttered.</p><p>“Okay….Angel Danger Powers, one pink crushed velvet suit with short shorts, one frilly lace cravat, one silver medallion with a heart symbol, one pair of kinky boots, one recreational penis pump,” Loona said, as she placed all the objects on the table.</p><p>Angel’s eyes widened at the sex toy, and he anxiously looked over towards Husk. “That ain’t mine, baby,” he said. </p><p>“One credit card receipt for a penis pump, signed Angel Powers,” Loona continued.</p><p>“Uh….there’s gotta be another Angel Powers,” Angel said.</p><p>“One warranty card for a penis pump, filled out by Austin Powers,” Loona added. </p><p>“I never used a fucking penis pump in my life! It ain’t my thing,” Angel returned. </p><p>“Wow, a book. ‘Penis Pumps and Me: A Beginners Guide to Dick Pumping, it’s Totally my Thing’. And would you look at that? It’s by Angel Powers,” Loona grinned, just trying to embarrass him.</p><p>“Alright, shit! I’ll sign for the damn pump,” Angel said, before looking at Husk. “Ya doing alright, baby?” he asked.</p><p>“Listen up, Powers. I’m looking forward to working with you….I guess. But can you please fucking stop calling me ‘baby’? Call me, Husk, Mr. Kensington, Agent Kensington, literally anything else,” Husk said.</p><p>“Whatever ya say, dollface,” Angel smirked.</p><p>Husk just rolled his eyes. “Okay, let’s get a move on. We preserved your private jet just the way you left it,” he said. </p><p>“My jumbo jet! Hell yeah, baby!” Angel exclaimed, as Husk shot him a look.</p><p>“Sorry,” Angel smiled. “Let’s go,” he said.</p><p>Angel gathered his things, and the two of them left the laboratory. Angel was excited to be back in the field, and he figured that there really wouldn’t be that much different about the nineties. At least, he hoped not.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. No Means No</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Somewhere outside of Las Vegas, Alastor and his allies were back in his underground lair. “Welcome to my underground lair. As you can see, my plan worked perfectly. Well, primarily perfectly. Due to a technical error made by my associate Pentious, there were a few complications with the unfreezing process,” Alastor explained, as his gaze travelled to Pentious.</p><p>“Excuse me! My design was perfect! You must have caused the problem when you set it off,” Pentious returned.</p><p>“How dare you speak to me that way! It was your fault, and now you must pay for your actions!” Alastor exclaimed.</p><p>Alastor pressed a button, sending Pentious falling into a pit of fire. “Let this be a reminder to you all not to toy with me,” Alastor said, as he stroked Fat Nuggets on his lap. Pentious’s screams could still be heard through a grate in the floor. </p><p>“Gentlemen, let’s get on to business-,” Alastor started, before everyone heard Pentious scream again.</p><p>“Can someone throw me a fucking bone?! I’m alive, just very badly burned!!” Pentious shouted. </p><p>Alastor sighed and decided to ignore him. “Now, we have a lot of work to do. Some of you I know, some of you I’m only just meeting-,” he said, before getting interrupted once again.</p><p>“Could someone save me?! I’m in the worst, fucking pain! My toe hurts so much!” Pentious yelled.</p><p>Alastor gritted his teeth and looked at his henchmen. “Pardon me for a moment, won’t you?” he asked. He picked up a red phone and muttered into it, then hung up.</p><p>“If somebody can open the damn retrieval hatch down here, I could get out!” Pentious shouted. </p><p>Just then everyone heard the sound of a door opening. “Hello there!  Good, I'm glad someone finally found me. I’m very badly burned, so if you wouldn’t mind-,” Pentious began, before everyone heard a gunshot.</p><p>Alastor smiled to himself, but Pentious just started talking again. “You shot me! You shot me right in the arm!” he yelled.</p><p>Another gunshot was heard, and once Alastor was sure Pentious was dead, he began speaking. “Alright then, allow me to introduce everyone. Velvet, with whom I’ve worked with for years. Miss Martha, psychotic satanist and wrestler extraordinaire. Fizzaroli, ex assassin and superstitious gentleman who leaves a charm off his bracelet on every victim he kills. I’m certain the police would love to get their hands on that piece of evidence,” he said.</p><p>“Yeah! They’re always after my damn lucky charms!” Fizzaroli exclaimed.</p><p>“Like the cereal?” Velvet snickered.</p><p>“You shut the hell up!” Fizzaroli yelled.</p><p>“And finally, my number two man, Vox. Who had been running my evil empire while I was frozen,” Alastor said, as Vox walked into the room.</p><p>“Alastor, your company has been doing great! Of course we had to update for the times, so we changed to a communication industry! We have cable companies everywhere, and dozens of other attributes.,” Vox said.</p><p>“Ah, wonderful. Everyone, I have a plan. Blackmail, to be precise. The royal family of Britain are the wealthiest landowners in the world. Either they pay us the price we demand, or we make it look like Prince Charles, the heir to the throne, has had an affair outside of marriage would have to divorce!” Alastor smiled.</p><p>“Already happened,” Vox said. </p><p>“What?” Alastor asked.</p><p>“The prince admitted to having an affair and got a divorce,” Vox replied. </p><p>“Well, I was frozen for thirty years, how on earth do you expect me to know these things?” Alastor asked, before he sighed. “Alright, here’s my second plan. Back in the sixties, I developed a sophisticated heat beam I liked to call a laser. Using this laser, we punch a hole in the ozone layer around the earth, allowing ultraviolet rays to pour in, and increase the risk of skin cancer. Unless of course, the world pays our ransom,” he said.</p><p>“That happened too. Damn, you really need to get with the times,” Vox said. </p><p>“I was frozen for thirty years!” Alastor shouted, before sighing again. “Look, why don’t we do what we always do? Gather nuclear weapons and hold the earth hostage? Does that suffice?” he asked.</p><p>As his henchmen nodded, Alastor smiled. “Brilliant. It's come to my attention that a breakaway Russian Republic known as Kreplachistan will be transferring a nuclear warhead to the United Nations in a few days. I say that we get the warhead, and we hold the world ransom for one million dollars!” Alastor exclaimed.</p><p>“Yeah, that isn’t a lot of money anymore. Ask for more,” Vox stated.</p><p>“Oh, alright. Let me think….” Alastor started. “Ah! I have it. One hundred, billion dollars!” he exclaimed.</p><p>“Good, thank fuck you got it,” Vox muttered.</p><p>Meanwhile, Angel and Husk were flying in Angel’s tye dyed jumbo jet, with a fully furnished interior. “Pretty cool jumbo jet, huh? Hey, when ya see this jet rockin’ don’t come knockin’, baby!” Angel smiled.</p><p>Husk rolled his eyes and got a few papers out of his bag. “I need you to sign these release forms,” he said.</p><p>“Release forms?” Angel asked, as he got a drink.</p><p>“Yeah, in case any mishaps might come up,” Husk replied.</p><p>“Mishaps? Ain’t that what being an international man of mystery is all about?” Angel asked. Husk didn’t seem amused, so Angel rolled his eyes and took the papers. “Okay, let’s see….’Name:’ Angel Danger Powers. ‘Sex:’ yes please,” he joked. “Hey Husky, how’d ya wind up as a secret agent?” he asked.</p><p>“You really wanna know?” Husk asked. Angel nodded, and Husk shrugged. “Well, I went to Harvord and did a pretty damn good job, but I ended up specializing in foreign languages. I wanted to travel, plus I heard spying made for a pretty decent gig-,” Husk started.</p><p>“Huh, interesting. Why don’t we go in the back and shag?” Angel smirked.</p><p>“The fuck?” Husk asked.</p><p>“Yeah we can do that! I was frozen for thirty years, I gotta see if my bits and pieces are still working. C’mon, baby! I wanna ride ya like a bull!” Angel exclaimed.</p><p>“Mr. Powers, can you try to take this seriously? Focus on the damn mission and give your libido a rest!” Husk shouted. </p><p>“Okay, okay, but….I wanna show ya something real quick,” Angel said. </p><p>He got up from his chair and took off his jacket, revealing a half buttoned black shirt. Angel seductively sat on the bed, and beckoned Husk over. “Please? I won’t bite! Much….” he said.</p><p>“Fine,” Husk grumbled, as walked beside the bed. </p><p>“Lemme ask ya a question, and be honest,” Angel said. </p><p>Angel pressed a button, and the bed started spinning. “Do I make ya horny? Like...randy? Do I make ya horny, baby?” he asked.</p><p>“I hope this is a side effect of the unfreezing,” Husk groaned. </p><p>“C’mon, Husky! Why have a body like that if ya ain’t even gonna use it? Fuck me, baby!” Angel exclaimed.</p><p>“Angel Powers! Will you fucking quit it?!” Husk shouted. </p><p>“Ya not into guys?” Angel asked.</p><p>“No, I like guys. I’m just not into you. I will never have sex with you. Not even if we were the last two people in existence,” Husk stated.</p><p>Angel, oblivious as ever, shrugged and kept spinning on the bed. Husk sighed and shook his head. This would be a long mission.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Viva Las Vegas</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alastor and his henchmen were still plotting, and Velvet tapped Alastor on the shoulder. “Hey doc, remember how we froze your semen, so that if it looked like you weren't coming back to try and make a kid for you so that a part of you would live forever?” she asked.</p><p>“Oh. Sure,” Alastor answered.</p><p>“Yeah, after a couple years, we got impatient, so we went ahead and made a kid anyway. So, Dr. Alastor, I want you to meet your daughter,” Velvet smiled.</p><p>“I have a daughter?” Alastor asked.</p><p>“Yeah! Hang on,” Velvet said, before clearing her throat. “VAGGIE! GET YOUR ASS IN HERE!” she yelled.</p><p>Vaggie walked in, with her long dark hair in a braid, and a purple jacket and skirt on. “Hello, Vaggie,” Alastor smiled.</p><p>“Hi,” Vaggie replied.</p><p>“I’m your father. Alastor Evil,” he said, before smiling again. “I have a child! It’s so exciting! Vaggie dear, someday all of this will be yours,” said Alastor.</p><p>“Are you fucking kidding me? I haven’t seen you my whole life, and now you show up expecting a relationship? I hate you!” Vaggie exclaimed. At that, she noticed Alastor holding his arms out. “What are you doing?” she asked.</p><p>“Can’t I have a hug?” Alastor asked.</p><p>“Hell no,” Vaggie returned. </p><p>“Come here,” Alastor said.</p><p>“No!” Vaggie yelled.</p><p>“Please?” Alastor asked.</p><p>“No. Fuck off,” Vaggie answered.</p><p>“Dear, do you think that I’m not cool? Is that it? Do I embarrass you? I’ll have you know that I am plenty cool! Watch,” Alastor said. He paused a moment, then he began doing the macarena. </p><p>Vaggie could only stare, and Alastor stopped dancing. “Don’t look at me like I’m Frankenstine’s monster. Give your father a hug!” he exclaimed.</p><p>“No!” Vaggie yelled, before storming out of the room.</p><p>“Well, that could have gone better,” Alastor said. </p><p>Meanwhile, Angel and Husk finally made it to Vegas. They checked into their hotel suite, and saw that there was only one bed. </p><p>“So, what side of the bed do ya want?” Angel smirked.</p><p>“You’re sleeping on the couch, Powers,” Husk replied. “And I’m just going to remind you, the only reason we’re sharing a room is to keep up the front that we’re a couple on vacation,” he continued. </p><p>“Gotcha. So, should we shag now or shag later? How do ya like to do it? Ya like to clean up first? Top and tails?” Angel asked, causing Husk to roll his eyes.</p><p>“I’m only joking, Husky! Just trying to get a rise outta ya. For shits and giggles,” Angel smiled.</p><p>“It’s whatever. Let’s unpack,” Husk said, before he opened his suitcase. </p><p>Angel looked inside and saw how neatly organized Husk’s things were. “Holy shit. Nerd alert,” Angel giggled. </p><p>Husk ignored him and took out his gun. Angel took out his gun too, then he noticed how much bigger Husk’s was. Angel looked back at his suitcase, and saw the penis pump. “Holy shit! How...uh...how did this thing get in here? Someone’s fucking with me,” he said, in an attempt to play it cool. “Seriously, it ain’t mine,” Angel stated. </p><p>“Sure it’s not,” Husk replied.</p><p>That night, the two of them got dressed up and headed down to the casino. Angel smiled and waved at everyone he saw, soaking up the Vegas atmosphere. </p><p>“Angel! Focus. There’s a company people have been linking with Alastor, and a lot of its members are supposed to be here tonight,” Husk explained.</p><p>“Sweet! Let’s go,” Angel smiled.</p><p>“There’s one over there,” Husk said. </p><p>The pair headed to the high rollers table, where Vox was sitting beside an attractive young man. Angel and Alastor walked over, and Angel smiled at them. “Mind if I join the two of ya?” he asked.</p><p>“Go ahead,” Vox replied.</p><p>Angel and Husk sat down, and Angel blew Vox’s date a kiss. “Seventeen,” the dealer, Miss Mayberry, said.</p><p>Vox used his x-ray glasses to look at the next card. “Hit me,” he said. </p><p>“You have seventeen, sir,” Mayberry replied.</p><p>“And? I like to live dangerously,” Vox said. </p><p>Mayberry sighed and drew a card. “Four. Twenty one,” she said.</p><p>Angel eyed Vox as Mayberry dealt a card to him. “Five,” she said.</p><p>“I’ll stay,” Angel replied. </p><p>“Are you fucking joking?” Husk asked.</p><p>“Yeah….I suggest you hit, sir,” Mayberry said.</p><p>“I like living dangerously too,” Angel grinned, as he looked Vox’s way.</p><p>“Alright, whatever,” Mayberry said. She flipped a card, and Angel saw that he lost. “Twenty one beats your five,” she said. </p><p>Angel shrugged and turned to Vox. “I won’t lie, cards ain’t my bag, baby. Allow myself...to introduce….myself. My name is Michael Kovach. And this is my sexy boyfriend Mick,” he said, motioning to Husk. </p><p>“I am Vox. This is my secretary,” Vox said, motioning to the man beside him.</p><p>“Dick S. Pounding,” the secretary smiled.</p><p>“.....sorry, what?” Angel asked.</p><p>“You can just call me Seviathan. It’s what the S stands for,” the secretary explained.</p><p>“Okay, neat,” replied Angel. There was an awkward pause, and Angel looked back at Vox. “So, whaddya do, Vox?” he asked.</p><p>“I’m a number two. Now, if you excuse me, I have to piss,” Vox said, before he got up from the table. </p><p>“Ya stay here with Mr. Pounding, I’m gonna follow Vox. We’ll meet back at the suite,” Angel whispered.</p><p>“Got it,” Husk replied. </p><p>Angel followed Vox into the bathroom, and all Angel saw was a man in a cowboy hat, Travis, washing his hands. “Damn. That’s one wild outfit you have there, sugar,” Travis said.</p><p>“Oh, thanks!” Angel smiled. </p><p>“You in a show or some shit?” Travis asked.</p><p>“Nah, I just have amazing taste,” Angel replied.</p><p>Angel headed into a bathroom stall, and Travis went to the one next door. A tile on the back wall of Angel’s stall began to move, revealing Fizzaroli behind it. His charm bracelet jingled, and he wrapped it around Angel’s neck. </p><p>“AHH!” Angel screamed. He began grunting and frantically moving his feet, which Travis noticed immediately. </p><p>“Hey, sugar you need to relax! Don’t force it or you’ll tear your ass right open,” he said. </p><p>Angel manages to break free from Fizzaroli’s bracelet, and Fizz fell from the opening he came from. Angel grabbed the man by the ankles and stuck his head in the toilet bowl. “Who does that ‘number two’ work for?!” Angel asked.</p><p>“That’s right, sugar, you show that turd who’s boss,” Travis said. </p><p>Angel drowned Fizzaroli in the toilet, then took his wallet. The blonde stepped out of the stall to wash his hands. Travis left his stall, and saw Fizzaroli’s lifeless body in the toilet. </p><p>“HOLY FUCKING SHIT, WHAT DID YOU EAT?!” he yelled.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>You know.....this is probably the weirdest chapter I’ve ever written, but here we are</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. A Casual Evening</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alastor and his henchmen were ready to put their plan into action. “Brilliant! The warhead is ours! Get me through to the United Nations’ secret meeting room,” Alastor said.</p><p>Vox nodded, and he called up the U.N. Alastor smiled at the representatives. “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Dr. Alastor. In a short time, you will find out that the Kreplachistani warhead has  mysteriously vanished. If you want it back, you'll have to pay me...ONE MILLION DOLLARS!” Alastor exclaimed.</p><p>The representatives started to laugh wildly. “Oh my fucking…” Vox muttered.</p><p>“Sorry! Allow me to start over. One hundred billion dollars!” Alastor shouted.</p><p>That caused all the representatives to gasp in fear. Lilith, a United Nations Secretary, looked up at the screen. “Mr. Alastor…” she began.</p><p>“Doctor, if you please. I didn't spend six years in evil medical school to be called 'mister',” Alastor returned.</p><p>“Fine, fine. Dr. Alastor, it is the policy of the United Nations not to negotiate with terrorists,” Lilith stated. </p><p>“Oh really? Farewell then,” Alastor grinned, before hanging up on them.</p><p>As the members of the U.N. panicked, Alastor smiled at his associates. “Everyone, in exactly five days, we’ll be one hundred billion dollars richer,” he said. </p><p>They all began evil laughing, however, it got old after a while. They all just awkwardly stared at one another.</p><p>Back at the hotel, Husk was on the phone with his mother, Cherri. “Hey, Mom,” Husk said.</p><p>“Hey, kid! How’s your mission? How’s Angel?” Cherri asked.</p><p>“He’s asleep,” Husk answered, causing Cherri to grin.</p><p>“Ooo, did you guys-,” she began.</p><p>“Fuck no, we didn’t! I made him sleep on the couch,” Husk replied.</p><p>“You know, I’m proud of you, Husk. For resisting Angel’s charms and shit,” Cherri said.</p><p>“He’s about as charming as a piece of sandpaper. Sure he kept begging to sleep with me, but I kept saying no. You never told me he was so sex crazy,” Husk said, as Angel woke up and climbed off the couch.</p><p>“Husk, you can’t judge him by modern standards. Back in the sixties, Angel was a hot commodity. He could have literally any guy he wanted,” Cherri explained.</p><p>“The two of you never fucked, right?” Husk asked.</p><p>“Hell no! Angel’s about as straight as a slinky. But you can’t tell me you don’t see the appeal. He’s cute, fun, charming. Everything about him screams international man of mystery. Angel was the greatest friend I’ve ever had,” Cherri said.</p><p>“Wanna talk to him?” Husk asked.</p><p>“No, that’s okay. It’s been too long,” Cherri answered.</p><p>“Alright, well, I gotta go, Mom. Love you,” said Husk.</p><p>“See you soon!” Cherri replied, before the two hung up.</p><p>Later that day, Husk and Angel were sitting outside of Alastor’s company building, watching as people came and went. </p><p>“A limo just pulled up,” Husk said, looking through his binoculars.</p><p>“Lemme see,” Angel replied, before he got out his bulky telescope.</p><p>Angel watched as Martha carried Fat Nuggets to the limo. “That’s Dr. Alastor’s pig!” Angel exclaimed.</p><p>Unfortunately for them, Martha and the pig got into the limo and drove away. “Well shit, we missed them,” Husk groaned.</p><p>Angel sighed, then looked over at Husk. “Damn….” he muttered, a slight blush on his face.</p><p>“What?” Husk asked. </p><p>“Ya look really good in this lighting,” Angel said, before he took out his camera. “Like...handsome as fuck,” he added.</p><p>Angel snapped a few pictures of Husk, and his partner rolled his eyes. “Cut it out! I hate having my picture taken,” he said.</p><p>“Awww c’mon, Husk! The camera loves ya!” Angel smiled.</p><p>“Look, does this make you happy?” Husk asked, before he got into a pose.</p><p>“Oooh yeah! Hold that pose,” replied Angel, before he took a few more pictures. “These look amazing! Y’know, I’ve never really been on the other side of the camera before,” he said.</p><p>“Want me to take a few of you?” Husk asked.</p><p>Angel smiled and handed Husk the camera. Husk started taking photos while Angel stood in sexy poses. “You are way too good at this,” said Husk.</p><p>“What can I say? I’m a star, baby! Lemme take more of ya,” Angel said, before taking the camera back.</p><p>Angel took more photos of Husk, and Husk was enjoying himself more and more with each photo. “Yes! Hey, wanna go get dinner?” Angel asked.</p><p>“Sure,” Husk smiled.</p><p>That night, the two of them were sharing dinner on top of a double decker bus. After that, they were back in their hotel room.</p><p>“Watch out, you're on my hair!” Angel exclaimed.</p><p>“Damnit, sorry. Move your hand to the left. There you go,” Husk smiled.</p><p>“Go! Just go!” Angel shouted.</p><p>Husk nodded, and spun the Twister spinner. “Right hand green,” he said.</p><p>When the two of them reached, they fell over and laughed. Husk was tipsy, and he saw that his glass was empty. </p><p>“Wanna have some champagne?” Husk asked.</p><p>“Yeah!” Angel smiled.</p><p>The two of them headed over to the bed, where Husk was pouring two glasses of champagne. “Y’know, I haven’t had this much fun in years,” he said.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Angel said.</p><p>“For what?” Husk asked.</p><p>“Sorry we had to take that stick out ya ass,” Angel giggled.</p><p>Husk rolled his eyes playfully. “Always wanting to have fun, Angel, that’s you in a nutshell,” he said.</p><p>“Nah, this is me in a nutshell,” said Angel. “Help!  I'm in a nutshell! How the hell did I get in here?!” he shouted.</p><p>Husk started laughing, like he had been all night. “Husky, ya drunk,” Angel said.</p><p>“Am not,” Husk returned.</p><p>“I think ya are,” Angel replied.</p><p>“Fuck no, I haven’t been drunk since college. I’m the sensible one now. The...the designated driver,” Husk said. </p><p>He and Angel stared at one another a moment longer, and Husk leaned closer to Angel. “Kiss me?” he asked.</p><p>“I can’t, baby. Ya drunk; it ain’t right,” Angel replied.</p><p>“I'm not that drunk, I'm just starting to see what everyone at the agency was talking about,” Husk returned, as he cuddled up to Angel. “What was my mom like back in the sixties anyway?” he asked.</p><p>“She was really groovy. I guess she got married after I was frozen, but I’m really happy for her. Cherri was the greatest friend I ever coulda had. Y’know, ya kinda remind me of her sometimes,” Angel explained.</p><p>Just then, Angel heard snoring. “Husk?” he asked, only to find that Husk had fallen asleep.</p><p>Angel got off the bed and tucked Husk in, then heard his picture phone ringing. Angel picked up, and saw Rosie. “Hello, Angel, this is Rosie Exposition speaking. I need you to find out what part Virtucon plays in something called Project Vulcan. I'll need you to go to Dick S. Pounding’s penthouse immediately,” she explained.</p><p>“I’m on it, Rosie,” Angel nodded.</p><p>“You can bring Husk along if you need,” Rosie said.</p><p>Angel looked over at Husk, who was still fast asleep. “Nah, he’s working on another lead,” he said.</p><p>“Then you’ll have to do it alone. Good luck, Angel,” Rosie said, before hanging up. </p><p>Angel looked back at Husk and turned off the lights. Then he made his way to Seviathan’s penthouse.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Penthouse Appartment</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Angel was sneaking through Seviathan’s penthouse, when he found a folder for Virtucon. Angel began looking through it, and it listed all of Virtucon's operations. </p><p>“Let’s see….organ trafficking, shitty romcoms, project vulcan. That last one seems sketchy,” Angel muttered, before flipping through the pages. He saw a diagram for a giant drill, and decided to take a photo of it.</p><p>He took pictures of every page, until he heard footsteps in the other room. Angel put everything back the way he found it and sat in a chair. Seviathan walked in the room, obviously confused by Angel’s presence.</p><p>“Ya seem surprised to see me, Mr. Pounding,” Angel smirked. </p><p>“What do you want Mr…...Kovach, right?” Seviathan asked.</p><p>“Ya boss. Vox. I hear that bastard’s into big underground drills,” Angel said.</p><p>“How’d you know?” asked Seviathan.</p><p>“I didn’t, baby. Ya just told me,” Angel replied.</p><p>“Fuck! He’s good,” Seviathan muttered, before he looked back at Angel. “Why don’t we talk about business later? I’m going to go put on something more comfortable,” he said.</p><p>“Oh, behave baby,” Angel grinned.</p><p>Seviathan smiled and stepped behind a changing screen. He began to take off his clothes in a slow and seductive way. The shadows Angel saw on his side of the screen left nothing to the imagination, and the blonde was about to lose his mind. Finally, Seviathan walked back out, wearing a loose green robe.</p><p>“C’mere. I want to show you something,” Seviathan said.</p><p>“Okay,” Angel nodded.</p><p>Seviathan took him into the other room, which had a massive hot tub in the center. Seviathan slipped off his robe, and Angel almost blushed when he saw that the secretary didn’t have any underwear on. Seviathan sat in the tub and looked at Angel.</p><p>“If you come in, I’ll show you everything you need to know,” he grinned.</p><p>Angel nodded and began to take off his clothes. He tried to appear sexy, but since this may turn into his first time having sex in thirty years, he was a little excited. As soon as Angel was finished, he joined Seviathan in the tub.</p><p>“Can I wash you?” Seviathan asked.</p><p>“Yeah, that’d be groovy, baby,” Angel smiled. </p><p>Seviathan got behind Angel and began gently rubbing his pale skin with a sponge. While Angel was distracted, Seviathan reached for Angel’s wallet, which he left on the edge of the tub. He looked at Angel’s ID, which read ‘Angel Powers: International Man of Mystery.’ Seviathan smiled to himself, then turned his attention back to Angel.</p><p>“How do you feel, gorgeous?” Seviathan asked. </p><p>“Amazing,” Angel sighed. “Damn, I haven’t felt this good in so long,” he said. </p><p>“Want a whisky?” Seviathan asked.</p><p>“Sure,” Angel nodded.</p><p>Seviathan got two glasses of whisky and handed one to Angel. Angel smiled and immediately drank it down. “Oh! This is the good shit!” Angel exclaimed. </p><p>“Well, I’d only get the best for someone as incredible as you. I have just one question for you, Mr. Kovach,” Seviathan whispered.</p><p>“Yeah? What is it?” Angel asked.</p><p>“Do you want to fuck?” asked Seviathan.</p><p>“Please,” Angel nodded. </p><p>He moved over to Seviathan, and they proceeded to have one of the wildest nights of their lives.</p><p>The next day, Alastor was in a meeting with his henchmen. “Angel Powers is getting too close. Any suggestions?” he asked.</p><p>“Oh me!” Velvet smiled. “I made the perfect weapon to defeat Angel Powers,” she said.</p><p>“What is it then?” Alastor asked.</p><p>Velvet smiled again. “Bring in the men bots!” she shouted.</p><p>Three robot men walked in, all of them were shirtless, muscular, and wearing tight silver pants. “These are the latest work in android replicant technology. Deadly, efficient, sexy as fuck. Nobody into men can resist them. Send in the guards!” Velvet yelled.</p><p>A group of guards walked in, immediately transfixed by the androids. Alastor covered Fat Nuggets’s eyes, since he figured the pig shouldn’t see whatever was about to happen. Guns popped out of the men bots’ pecs and began firing, killing the group of guards.</p><p>“....quite impressive,” Alastor said, trying to hide how uncomfortable he was.</p><p>“Thanks, doc!” Velvet smiled.</p><p>“Now, if it isn’t too much trouble, please get them out of here immediately,” Alastor said.</p><p>“Gotcha. Okay boys, let’s go!” Velvet shouted.</p><p>She led the men bots away, and Vox checked out the androids as they walked past. Then Vox noticed Alastor giving him a dirty look. “What?” Vox asked.</p><p>“You disgust me,” Alastor returned.</p><p>Vox rolled his eyes, and soon Alastor and his employees were back at work. Alastor was determined to pull of this plan, and nothing, not even Angel Powers, would stand in his way.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Therapy Session</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Meanwhile, Husk and Angel were at a lab, looking over new gadgets. “Okay, Angel, we’re giving you this. It looks like a watch, but it’s actually a GPS,” Husk explained.</p><p>“Uh huh, uh huh. Groovy,” Angel smiled. </p><p>Rosie walked in and smiled at them. “Ah! Angel. Allow me bring you up to speed. Dr. Alastor has high-jacked a nuclear warhead from Kreplachistan,” she explained.</p><p>“Only two things scare me. Nuclear war and carnies,” Angel said.</p><p>“Huh?” Husk asked.</p><p>“Ya know, circus people! I don’t trust ‘em; they smell like cabbage,” stated Angel.</p><p>“....right,” Rosie nodded.</p><p>In order to change the subject, Angel handed Rosie the photos he took. “Maybe these pictures I got will clear shit up. I found out all about Project Vulcan,” he said.</p><p>Rosie and Husk looked at the pictures in amazement. “Damn, Angel. How’d you get these?” he asked.</p><p>“Angel did some reconisons work at Dick S. Pounding’s penthouse,” Rosie said.</p><p>“Oh..” Husk said, unsure what to think.</p><p>“Our next move should be to infiltrate Virtucon. Any ideas?” Rosie asked.</p><p>“Uh...Virtucon does tours every hour. Maybe we can dress as tourists and sneak in,” Husk replied.</p><p>“Brilliant idea, Husker,” Rosie smiled.</p><p>“Angel and I are gonna get to work on that then. See you later, Exposition,” Husk said. </p><p>Husk left, but Angel couldn’t help but think he did something to upset him. He figured Husk would tell him later, and he followed him out.</p><p>Meanwhile, Alastor had taken Vaggie to a parent-child therapy group, run by a woman named Charlie. </p><p>“Okay everyone, we have some newcomers today. Let’s welcome Vaggie and her father….Mr. Evil. Okay Vaggie, let’s start with you,” said Charlie, as she gave Vaggie a smile.</p><p>“Okay. I just really met my dad for the first time five days ago,” Vaggie explained.</p><p>“I was cryogenically frozen her whole life,” Alastor added.</p><p>“It is so nice that you can admit to that,” Charlie smiled.</p><p>“Then he comes back and wants me to take over the family business,” Vaggie continued.</p><p>“But Vaggie, who’s going to take over the world if I die?” Alastor asked.</p><p>“Listen to the words he used. ‘Take over the world if I die’. It sure feels like that sometimes, doesn’t it?” Charlie asked, as the other parents in the room nodded.</p><p>“So Vaggie, what do you want to do?” Charlie asked.</p><p>“I really don’t know. I mean, animals are okay. Maybe I could be a vet,” Vaggie said.</p><p>“An evil vet?” Alastor asked.</p><p>“No. Or work in a petting zoo,” Vaggie said.</p><p>“An evil petting zoo?” Alastor asked.</p><p>“You always fucking do that!” Vaggie shouted, before she sighed. “Sometimes I think he hates me. I genuinely think he wants to kill me sometimes,” she said. </p><p>“Vaggie, no one in here ever wants to kill each other. Sure, we say that we do, but we really don’t,” Charlie replied.</p><p>“Oh no, Vagatha is right. I do want to kill her, but my associates advised against it, so she’s unfortunately alive,” Alastor said. </p><p>“Yep, this is the shit I mean,” Vaggie said.</p><p>“Alright, well we heard from you, Vaggie. Doctor, why don’t you tell us about yourself?” Charlie asked.</p><p>“The details of my life truly aren’t that important,” Alastor replied.</p><p>“Please? Let’s hear about your childhood,” Charlie said.</p><p>Alastor shrugged, then began speaking. “Alright...where do I begin? My father was a heartless monster who hated everyone around him.  My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Magnolia. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark.  Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. My childhood was typical. I took hunting lessons every winter. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I disobeyed, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with sticks. Quite standard, I believe. Once I reached eighteen, I left for evil medical school,” Alastor explained.</p><p>“Um….oh look at that! We’re out of time for the day,” Charlie said, as she chuckled nervously.</p><p>That night, Angel and Husk were in their suite, preparing for their mission the next day. “Angel, I need to talk to you,” Husk said.</p><p>“Sure thing, baby! What’s up?” Angel asked.</p><p>“I’m probably just being paranoid, but I have this suspicious feeling about that secretary, Seviathan. I don’t want to sound like an asshole, but I've had some bad relationships in the past, and I can be jealous sometimes. And I'm sorry,” Husk said.</p><p>“Aww, don’t be sorry, Husky! Ya were right to be suspicious. I shagged him,” Angel smiled.</p><p>“What?” Husk asked, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>“Well, he shagged me. He fucked me rotten,” Angel replied.</p><p>“Oh my fucking….did you even use protection?!” Husk yelled.</p><p>“Yeah! I had my gun nearby,” Angel answered.</p><p>“I meant a condom!” Husk shouted.</p><p>“Hell no, I’m a bottom. And to answer ya question, Seviathan didn’t have one either. Condoms are for the weak,” Angel said.</p><p>“Not in the nineties,” Husk stated, before getting up to leave.</p><p>“Husk! It ain’t a big deal. Seviathan meant nothing to me,” Angel said.</p><p>“Well it means something to me. Angel, times have changed. You can’t just go out fucking everybody anymore, and even if you could, I wouldn’t because I’m not like that,” Husk explained.</p><p>“Husk….ya mean everything to me,” Angel said.</p><p>“You’re fucking clueless, aren’t you? Goodnight, Angel. Welcome to the nineties. You’re going to be very lonely,” said Husk. </p><p>Husk went off to his bedroom without another word. Angel realized that there was only one thing he could do to fix this. </p><p>Angel spent the entire night doing research about the nineties. The more he looked into it, the more he found times had changed. However, he was determined to get this right. If not for himself, then for Husk.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Virtucon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After a night of studying the nineties, Angel sat on the couch, watching the news. Husk walked in and sat beside him. “Hey, Angel,” he said.</p><p>“Hi, Husk,” Angel replied.</p><p>“Y’know, sometimes I forget you were gone for thirty years. A lot has changed,” Husk sighed. “The fall of the Berlin wall, a female Prime Minister of England,” he muttered. </p><p>“And if I didn’t sleep with him, I never woulda guessed Liberace was gay,” Angel added.</p><p>“Hey, where were you last night anyway?” Husk asked.</p><p>“Ya know, out. Had shit to do,” Angel answered.</p><p>“Oh, okay. Well, we better get going. The tour at Virtucon starts any minute,” Husk said. </p><p>Angel nodded, and the two of them got ready for the day.</p><p>Soon, the two of them were on the tour, being led by a woman named Kiki. “Welcome to Virtucon, the company of the future. Virtucon is a leading manufacturer of many items you'll find right in your own home,” she began. </p><p>As Vortex talked, Husk turned to Angel. “Do you think he’s like...better looking than me or some shit?” Husk asked.</p><p>“Who?” Angel asked.</p><p>“Seviathan,” Husk stated.</p><p>“No, Husky! Don’t be silly,” Angel replied.</p><p>“Did he have a huge dick or something?” Husk asked.</p><p>“In all honesty, no. Poor little thing may have been the smallest one I’ve taken,” Angel answered. “Husk, I’m serious, ya don’t gotta worry about him! He’s like...the village bicycle. Everybody gets a turn!” he exclaimed, earning a laugh from Husk.</p><p>“We make steel and volatile chemicals. On the right, you'll notice a door that leads to a restricted area. Only authorized personnel are allowed beyond that point,” Kiki explained, as she pointed out a door. There were two bathrooms beside the door, and Angel and Husk watched as two men in virtucon uniforms walked into the bathroom.</p><p>“Let’s take ‘em,” Angel whispered.</p><p>The two of them went into the bathroom and stole the uniforms. Once Angel and Husk were dressed, they walked through the authorized door. </p><p>Soon, the intruder alarms started going off. Angel and Husk rushed onto a slow moving steam roller to escape. They drove towards a security guard named Josh who was a few yards away, and technically had plenty of time to run out the way. All Josh did was hold out a hand. </p><p>“STOP!!” he yelled. </p><p>“Watch out!” Angel called.</p><p>“FUCKING MOVE!” Husk shouted.</p><p>Josh just stood there and screamed as the steamroller got closer. He was crushed, and Angel shrugged. “Eh, we tried to warn him. Let’s go!” he exclaimed.</p><p>Angel and Husk hurried into the next room and let out a sigh of relief. “Thank fuck we made it,” Husk said. </p><p>“I know, right?” Angel asked.</p><p>Just then, Martha came up from behind them and slammed their heads together, knocking them out. “Wow, that was easier than I thought,” she said.</p><p>Husk and Angel were brought to Alastor’s lair. When they came to, Alastor was smiling down at them, stroking Fat Nuggets.</p><p>“Welcome to my underground lair, Mr. Powers….and guest. You’re just in time! Enjoy the show,” Alastor said.</p><p>He walked over to a video screen and pressed a button, putting him on call with the United Nations. “Ladies, gentlemen, allow me to present the vulcan,” Alastor said, as a giant drill came into view. “The world’s largest subterranean drill,” he continued.</p><p>Angel looked at it and nudged Husk’s shoulder. “That make ya horny?” he whispered.</p><p>“Not now, Angel,” Husk returned.</p><p>“It’s so powerful that it can drill straight to the core of the planet. And it will do so, with a nuclear warhead attached to it. When it explodes, it will cause every volcano on Earth to erupt,” Alastor explained.</p><p>“It appears we have no choice but to pay your ransom,” Lucifer sighed.</p><p>“You have my instructions. Ta ta!” Alastor smiled, before hanging up. He laughed evilly, then turned to his guests. “Alright! Time for dinner!” he exclaimed.</p><p>Moments later, Alastor, Angel, and Husk were seated around Alastor’s table, being served dinner. “I do hope you enjoy it! It’s crawfish etouffee; my own recipe. If you don’t like it, I just may kill you,” Alastor said.</p><p>Just then, Vaggie walked into the room and sat at the table. “Vaggie! How are you, my dear? How was your day?” asked Alastor.</p><p>“Fine, I guess. I mean...I didn’t do much,” Vaggie shrugged.</p><p>“Fascinating. What are your plans for this evening?” Alastor asked.</p><p>“Stay in I guess. Maybe watch a movie,” Vaggie answered.</p><p>“And this is how you’d like to live your life, is it?” Alastor asked.</p><p>“Yeah, and it isn’t your business,” Vaggie replied.</p><p>Alastor looked toward the button that would send Vaggie into the fire, but he decided against pressing it. “Vagatha, I’d like you to meet my nemesis. Angel Powers,” he said, as he motioned towards Angel.</p><p>“Hey,” Angel waved.</p><p>“Why the hell are you feeding him? Why don’t you just kill him?” Vaggie asked.</p><p>“Because I have a far better idea. I place him in an easily escapable situation involving an elaborate death,” Alastor replied, as a guard grabbed Angel and Husk from their seats.</p><p>“Why don’t you fucking shoot him now? We can do it together! It’ll be cool. Just...BANG! Dead,” Vaggie smiled.</p><p>“Vagatha, I’ve been preparing this for weeks now. I won’t be throwing it away for a mere….shootout,” Alastor stated. </p><p>Angel and Husk were led to the top of a staircase. “Al! Do ya really expect ‘em to pay?” Angel asked.</p><p>“No, my dear Angel, I expect them to die,” Alastor grinned. “Even after they pay, I still plan to melt every city with liquid hot magma,” he said, as Angel and Husk were led into a small room with a giant pool of water. </p><p>“Release the sharks! Mr. Powers, you may notice that all the sharks have laser beams attached to their heads,” Alastor said.</p><p>“Oh, I’d been meaning to tell you. After you were frozen, sharks were put on the endangered species list. We couldn’t get any,” Vox replied.</p><p>“....very well. All I wanted were a few sharks with laser beams attached, but I suppose we can’t always get what we want, now can we? Tell me, Vox, what do we have?” Alastor asked.</p><p>“Sea bass,” Vox answered.</p><p>“Right,” Alastor said, not even trying to hide his disappointment. </p><p>“They’re mutated sea bass,” Vox added.</p><p>“They are? Are they ill tempered?” Alastor asked.</p><p>“Yep,” Vox nodded.</p><p>“Well, that’s a start,” Alastor sighed. He looked back at the guard that was with Angel and Husk. “Begin the slow moving dipping mechanism,” he said.</p><p>The guard pressed a button, and Angel and Husk began to be slowly lowered into the water. “Now shut the door!” Alastor added, before the guard did so.</p><p>“You aren’t even gonna watch? What if they get away?” Vaggie asked.</p><p>“Dear, they won’t get away. I’ll just go about my business and assume my plan was foolproof,” smiled Alastor. </p><p>“I have a gun in my room. Give me like ten fucking seconds, and I’ll blow their brains out,” Vaggie said.</p><p>“Vaggie...you just don’t get it. You’ll understand when you’re older,” Alastor said.</p><p>Vaggie rolled her eyes. “They’re gonna get away,” she muttered, as everyone started eating.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Master of Seduction</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Angel and Husk were slowly being lowered into the tank of vicious sea bass. “Tell me you have a plan,” Husk said.</p><p>“First, I plan to piss my pants. Then I’m gonna make a new plan. Ideas?” Angel asked.</p><p>“Wait! I have this,” Husk said, as he handed Angel a floss dispenser. </p><p>“Are ya trying to say I have bad teeth?” Angel asked. </p><p>“No. We can use the floss to swing over to the ledge,” Husk explained.</p><p>“Oooh! Good thinking!” Angel smiled.</p><p>He tossed the floss into the air and looped it around a beam. “Toothpaste,” Angel said.</p><p>Husk handed him the toothpaste, and Angel fired it in the guard’s direction. “MY EYES!” screamed the guard.</p><p>Angel and Husk swung across the sea bass pool, and they landed safely on the ledge. Angel and the guard began to fight, and Angel managed to push his attacker into the pool. When the blonde pulled the guard’s body out, his head was missing.</p><p>“This ain’t the time to lose ya head,” Angel said.</p><p>“You said it,” Husk nodded.</p><p>“That ain’t a way to get ahead in life,” Angel added.</p><p>“Yep,” Husk said.</p><p>“A shame he wasn’t more headstrong,” said Angel, before he paused. “He probably gave shitty head anyway,” he said.</p><p>“Okay, okay, I get it, head puns. Can we get a move on?” Husk asked.</p><p>“Yeah! Let’s go,” Angel nodded.</p><p>The two of them rushed off and headed into the hall. “Look! An emergency exit!” Angel exclaimed, as he pointed at it. “Go get help! I’ll stay back and keep an eye on Al,” he finished.</p><p>“Okay. Be careful. I won’t be long,” Husk said, as he headed towards the emergency ladder. </p><p>“Oh! Husk! Listen, whatever happens, I just want you to know that I feel bad about fucking that seceratary. If ya want me to be a one man guy, that’s fine by me, baby. I love ya,” Angel smiled.</p><p>“Oh behave,” Husk replied, a smile on his face. </p><p>Husk started up the ladder, and Angel hurried off. Elsewhere, Alastor and his associates were finishing up dinner. </p><p>“Come along, everyone! Let’s adjourn to the main room. Project vulcan is about to begin,” Alastor said. </p><p>Everyone got up from the table except for Vaggie. “Vaggie, dear? Don’t you want to see what your father does for a living?” Alastor asked. </p><p>“Blow me,” Vaggie muttered.</p><p>“What was that?” asked Alastor.</p><p>“Show me,” Vaggie said.</p><p>“Perfect! Come along, dear!” Alastor said, as the two of them went to follow the others. Inside of the main room, the massive drill was being prepared for penetration. “This is going to be brilliant,” Alastor smiled.</p><p>Meanwhile, Angel was still running through the halls. He spotted a guard walking towards him, so he ran through the first door he saw.</p><p>When Angel looked in the room, he saw a group of men bots, all shirtless, lounging around on furniture. They smiled as soon as they saw the blonde walk in.</p><p>“Hey there,” Angel said, admittedly slightly attracted to them. </p><p>“Hello, Mr. Powers. Care to have a little fun?” one of the robots asked.</p><p>Angel nearly agreed, but he remembered his promise to Husk. “No can do, boys. I have to save the world,” he said.</p><p>One of the men bots grabbed Angel from behind. The others made their guns pop out of their pecs. “Is it cold in here?” Angel asked, as he giggled nervously.</p><p>The robots emitted a cloud of gas, knocking Angel out. Moments later, Angel was lying on the bed, surrounded by robots who were lovingly feeling along his body. “No! No! I gotta get Dr. Alastor! Shit uh….baseball! Cold showers! COLD SHOWERS, DAMNIT!” Angel shouted. </p><p>Angel struggled against the men bots. He climbed out of the bed eventually, but saw two more robots blocking the doorway. “You can’t resist us, Mr. Powers,” they said.</p><p>“Oh yeah? I think all of ya are the ones who can’t resist me,” Angel smirked.</p><p>Music started, and Angel began to dance seductively. The men bots were instantly transfixed by Angel’s movement. The blonde pulled out eight cigarettes. He put them in his mouth and lit them all at once with a blowtorch. Angel tossed seven of them, each perfectly landing in a robot’s mouth, and kept the last for himself.</p><p>Angel threw off his shirt and began running his hands along his pale chest. The robots were undoubtedly aroused. Angel turned his back to them and ripped off his pants, giving all of the men bots an eyeful of his lacey underwear. Angel continued to dance and strike sexy poses, feeling himself up as he did. </p><p>As the men bots watched, they were completely overwhelmed by the heat of their arousal. All of their heads exploded. Angel smiled and opened the door, and at that moment Husk and two of the commandos he had gotten to help passed by. </p><p>“Angel?” Husk asked.</p><p>“Husk! This ain’t what it looks like!” Angel exclaimed.</p><p>“Are you wearing women’s underwear?” Husk asked.</p><p>“Oh, I always do that. Nah, see what happened was, I came in here, and the men bots came for me. And smoke came outta their nipples! So I had to seduce ‘em until their heads blew up,” Angel explained.</p><p>Husk noticed all the headless robots. “Okay, Angel, I believe you. Get dressed and meet us, okay?” Husk asked.</p><p>“Gotcha, Husky! See ya there,” Angel smiled.</p><p>Husk and the commandos hurried off, with one looking over Angel one last time before leaving.</p><p>“They just can’t get enough of me,” Angel said, as he started getting his clothes.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. The Confrontation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alastor was in the main room with his associates. “Launch the subterranean probe!” he ordered.</p><p>The tip of the drill began spinning, and the drill began going into the ground. At that moment, Angel, Husk, and their backup burst in. Soon, both groups were locked in a massive shootout, as everyone tried to shoot one another. </p><p>Angel and Husk started aiming for Alastor, but he escaped through a door. Angel spotted the “Abort” button, and he lept to press it. The second he did, the drill was stopped. </p><p>“Hell yeah! Now for Al,” Angel said, as he hurried to the door Alastor had gone through.</p><p>Alastor was in the middle of feeding Fat Nuggets scraps from dinner. “That’s my good little boy! Why can’t Vaggie be as appreciative as you?” Alastor asked.</p><p>Angel ran in, pointing his gun at Alastor. “I got ya right where I want ya, Dr. Alastor,” he said. </p><p>Alastor put his hands in the air. “Well done, Mr. Powers. We aren’t so different, you and I. Apart from the fact that you have an unquenchable thirst for intercourse and I find the whole thing revolting. But isn’t it ironic that the very things you stood for, such as free love, swinging, parties….are all considered to be evil nowadays,” he said.</p><p>“No Al. We swingers were rebelling against were uptight dickheads like ya, who were all about money and world domination. We were basically innocent. If we knew about the consequences of our sexual liberation, we probably woulda done things differently, but the spirit would have stayed the same. It's freedom, baby,” Angel explained.</p><p>“Your so-called freedom has caused more pain and suffering in the world than any plan I could possibly come up with. Freedom failed, my dear,” Alastor said.</p><p>“Nah, it didn’t. We have freedom, and we also have responsibility. It’s a pretty groovy time to be alive,” Angel smiled.</p><p>“There’s nothing more sad than an aging hipster,” Alastor sighed.</p><p>Just then, Seviathan came in, holding a gun to Husk’s head. “Not so fast!” the secretary shouted. </p><p>“My, my, my. How the tables have turned,” Alastor grinned.</p><p>“Don’t worry about me, Angel! Shoot him!” Husk yelled.</p><p>At that moment, Vaggie walked in. “Dad, your pig got in my room again,” she said.</p><p>Angel grabbed her and held his gun to her head. “Looks like the tables turned again, Al,” he said. </p><p>“Not really. Go on, kill her. See what I care!” Alastor yelled. </p><p>“Dad, I thought we had a breakthrough in group,” Vaggie said.</p><p>“I had the group liquidated, you little brat. They were insolent.” Alastor returned.</p><p>“I hate you,” Vaggie growled, as she escaped Angel’s grasp. “I fucking hate you! I wish I was never made!” she shouted, before running off. </p><p>“Vagatha! Wait, I’m sorry. It hurts when you say that!” Alastor called, as Vox walked into the room. “Vox! Perfect timing! Do me a favor and take Mr. Powers away,” he said.</p><p>To Alastor’s surprise, Vox pulled a gun on him. “No. Dr. Alastor Evil, I’ve spent thirty years of my life trying to turn this shitty ‘empire’ of yours into a multi million dollar company. You, like the dumbass you are, want to take over the world. But there is no world anymore! Just corporations,” explained Vox.</p><p>“Quiet, Vox! Do not forget your place, Number Two,” Alastor stated.</p><p>“I’ve had enough of you pushing me around!” Vox shouted, before he turned to Angel. “Angel Powers, I have a business proposition you may find interesting,” he said.</p><p>“Well, we certainly can’t have any of that!” Alastor exclaimed. He pressed a button on the desk, sending Vox into the fire pit.</p><p>In the confusion, Husk used a judo chop to get away from Seviathan. Alastor pressed the self destruct button and climbed into another cryogenic freezing pod. </p><p>“Husk! We gotta go!” Angel shouted.</p><p>Angel, Husk, and dozens of other people began to make their escape. Alastor was launched into space, in yet another Ronald McDonald. Angel and Husk made it to Angel’s car and hurried inside. </p><p>The two of them drove into the distance as Alastor’s lair exploded behind them.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Honeymoon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Three months later, Angel and Husk had gotten married. The two of them were in their honeymoon suite, lying in bed together. Angel was clinging to Husk, in a state of bliss. “I love ya, Mr. Powers,” he said.</p><p>“And I love you, Mr. Powers,” Husk replied, before the two of them kissed.</p><p>Just then, Angel got a call. “It’s probably Rosie,” he said, as he got out of bed to answer, without putting on clothes.</p><p>“Angel, it’s probably nothing, come back to bed,” Husk said. </p><p>“Duty calls, baby!” Angel exclaimed, as he sat on the couch to answer.</p><p>“Hello, Angel! Oh...I….hope I’m not interrupting anything. I can always call back later,” Rosie said.</p><p>“Nah, we’re good, Rosie,” Angel smiled.</p><p>“Did you get that fruit basket I sent you?” Rosie asked.</p><p>Husk got up too, also without getting dressed. “Yeah, we did, Rosie. But you sent too much. I might send some to my mom,” he said, as he held the fruit basket. The basket coincidentally blocked his penis from the view of the camera.</p><p>“Did you get my other gift?” Rosie asked.</p><p>“We did,” Husk answered, as he put down the basket and held a spice rack in its place.</p><p>“Yeah, Rosie. Nice rack,” Angel smiled, before he picked up a picture of a rooster. “I forgot who gave us this drawing though, it’s weird,” he said, as he passed it to Husk.</p><p>“Now, onto business. As you know, Dr. Alastor has escaped in his rocket, which has disappeared from our tracking system,” Rosie began, as Husk joined Angel on the couch.</p><p>“Oh shit. Coffee, Husky?” Angel asked.</p><p>“Sure,” Husk nodded.</p><p>Angel took the drawing from Husk, inconspicuously used it to cover his penis, and went to get the coffee.</p><p>“Oh, Husker! I’d like to congratulate you. You’ve been made a full agent,” Rosie smiled.</p><p>“Holy shit! Rosie, that’s amazing!” Husk exclaimed.</p><p>“Whiskey?” Angel asked.</p><p>“Sure, just a little,” Husk replied. Angel nodded and started to pour whiskey in the coffee.</p><p>“The best of luck to both of your future endeavours,” Rosie said. </p><p>“Thanks, Rosie,” Angel replied.</p><p>“Farewell,” Rosie said, before ending the call.</p><p>“Ya know, Husky, I’ll never forget the first time I saw ya. Ya were so handsome. So sexy. Everything I’d ever want in a man. I knew I had to have ya, right then and there. Did ya feel the same way?” Angel asked.</p><p>“Actually, I couldn’t stop looking at your freckles,” Husk answered, referring to the faint freckles Angel had under his eyes.</p><p>“Oh…..why? Do ya think they look stupid?” Angel asked.</p><p>“Nope. I thought they were sort of cute,” Husk answered.</p><p>“Aww,” Angel smiled.</p><p>Suddenly, they heard a knock at the door. “I ordered some champagne,” Angel said, before looking toward the door. “Come in!” he called.</p><p>As Angel and Husk put on their robes, a woman walked in, carrying champagne. What they didn’t know was that it was Martha, one of Alastor’s old henchmen. She took off one of her heels and aimed at Angel. “Go to hell!” she shouted.</p><p>“Angel! Look out!” Husk yelled.</p><p>Martha threw the shoe, and it hit Angel in the head. “Ow! That fucking hurt! I’m gonna have a bruise there, ya bitch. Who throws a shoe? Honestly?” he asked.</p><p>“I don’t need shoes to kick your ass!” Martha yelled. </p><p>She took off her other shoe, then ran over to Angel. She grabbed him by the neck and pushed him up against the wall. </p><p>“Angel,” Husk whispered, as he passed Angel the penis pump.</p><p>“I swear it ain’t mine,” Angel choked out.</p><p>“No, use it,” Husk returned. </p><p>Angel used the penis pump to hit Martha in the head, knocking her out. Once she was out cold, Angel laid her in the hotel hallway and went back inside his room. He and Angel walked onto the balcony, champagne in hand. </p><p>“Look how pretty the sky is,” Angel smiled.</p><p>“Isn’t that the Big Dipper?” asked Husk.</p><p>“Yeah, and that looks like Uranus,” Angel replied, before giggling to himself.</p><p>“You’re so immature,” Husk teased, before they looked back at the sky. “Hey, I don’t think I’ve seen that star before,” he said.</p><p>“Huh, wonder what it is,” Angel said, as he got out his binoculars to look. </p><p>They had been looking at Alastor’s Ronald McDonald, thousands of miles away in space. Alastor was sitting in his rocket, not entirely frozen. “I’ll get you, Angel Powers! Goodness, it’s freezing in here, Fat Nuggets,” he said. Fat Nuggets oinked in agreement.</p><p>Back on Earth, Angel and Husk shrugged and assumed it was nothing. They got back to enjoying their honeymoon, and looked forward to having more adventures together in the future.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And that ends another parody! I might do the sequels (if you guys want, that is)<br/>Thank you so much for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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